Sunday, 11 February 2018

Five months since the weirdest bath of my life

It's incredible to look at photos and videos and see how far your baby has come in such a short time. I am the old woman from Titanic when Bill Paxton shows her the old shit she had on her dressing table when it sank; so teary eyed and wistful. But I'm doing this when looking at photos of River that were taken 5 days ago, getting all nostalgic and asking Jason if he remembers those times? I will never not be obsessed with him...

Since I was pregnant, people have told me repeatedly how fast it all goes and how he'll be a moody teenager before I know it and my GOD they were all so right. I feel like I've turned my back for one second and River is suddenly 5 months old; it's absolute witchcraft. He's gone from being the most doll-like little being who just curls up into your chest all day and night, to being the brightest and cheekiest boy who just won't stop bouncing on your knees. I mean really he won't stop. If you dare to give your arms a rest and put him in a sitting position for more than a minute then LOOK OUT. He'll shout in your ear until you start bouncing him again, with your arms burning like fire from the 15 pound strain. 

We're fast approaching the weaning stage and it seems so surreal that he'll be branching away from my boobs and discovering actual food. He'll finally find out what me and Jason keep shovelling into our mouths. Although I don't think he'll be on the boxes of creme eggs just yet, so maybe not.
The 6 month mark will also see me attempt to put River into his own room at night rather than in with us, which might just tip me over the edge. I'll be sobbing while watching his monitor all night because I know I need him more than he needs me. Jason will be happier when River goes into his own room because he'll be able to return to normal and I won't threaten to kill him whenever he sneezes or coughs or rustles hula hoops packets in bed. 
When I make noise and wake the baby it's 'silly mummy'
When Jason does it...'sure! I've been settling him for an hour but go ahead and clear your throat, Theresa May.'

I have no doubt that the day I gave birth to River will be as fresh in my mind when he's 40 as it is right now. Mainly because the pain was other worldly and my vagina will never forget, but also because the happiness is other worldly too.  Having a water birth was incredible but now whenever I'm in the bath it's all I think about it - nobody tells you about THAT weird birth association that you'll carry with you forever do they? Is it just me? Being in the tub leaves me with a weird kind of yearning to go back and experience it all over again. Even the rubbish parts when you shit yourself and shout at everyone you love. It was the biggest challenge with the biggest reward and every month I'm emotional about him growing up but I'm also in awe of it. He seems to have leapt forward so much this past month; he's got a tooth, he's rolling over, he's sitting in high chairs at almost every burger place within a 20 mile radius, he's putting his own dummy in his mouth one handed like the most casual thing in the world (Yes we gave him a dummy after swearing blind we never would. They're godsends, don't listen to the stupid mum police) and he's just becoming a proper little boy who we can't get enough of. Here's to the next 5 months, Riv. Do your thing.


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